Earlier today, one of our unpaid Interns was playing around in GMaps (as you do) when he stumbled upon a screenshot supposedly taken at a sandwich store in Cupertino back in January. The capture was uploaded by Cook’s alt account, KhakiLover60.
In the image below, you can see the bullet points that the CEO would refer to during his speech at the event, where new iPhones are expected to be announced along with a couple of new ways to dry up your bank account (like that 1TB RAM cheesegrater and the $1000 monitor stand).
It seems like Tim Apple doesn’t really have a speech prepared, and acually bullshits his way through by connecting a couple of topics and makes up specs on the go, which would explain the fact that the company releases a month or so after the event, as they must please lord T̹͖̳̽͛i̫̬͖͔͈̖̦ͫ̍̃ͩ͆̋͂͞m̛̯̣ͅo̽҉̼̘̜̟t͂̊͌ͭ͛̉̅҉̜̬͈͔͕h̠͍̗̭̃̓̾͌͑ͪ͛͘ͅy̤̺̫̮̲̮͠ with the specs he demands.
We also recently got the release prices for the new Phones iMac something and at this point who even cares
Besides the objectively superior naming scheme, the cheap prices make it so you don’t have to sell your house to get one of these jewelry pieces
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